What's going on with me?

This break so far has been really intense, a lot of really deep, challenging discussion. I feel like our years of repression of emotions has led to an era in which everyone is depressed and I do nothing, but talk about my problems, and whine about how screwed up we all are. Everyone is screwed up, but that doesn’t mean that the future isn’t going to be different, for better or worse. All we can do is try to move forward, lose the things we don’t like about ourselves and build up the parts we do. That sounds really easy, but it's tough to do, and just the act of whining gives you this feeling that that alone is going to do something.

One thing I feel like is it might be our attempts to make films and such that give us this feeling that we were all so holed up. I don't get the impression that a lot of people I know from college go back to their friends at home and have three hour discussions about the things they failed at in high school. But, then again, I doubt that people there would think that I would do that. To quote one of my favorite movie quotes, "We all wear masks, metaphorically speaking." And, I feel like what I'm doing here is letting down the mask and you see all the screwups, but the other people I know have the same problems, and we all covered them with these masks. Is that common behavior? I'm not sure, I don't think it's only us, but it's not everyone by any means.

I've actually been rather happy lately, it is Christmas, but it's not just that, I feel like a confluence of events is happening that will make 2005 a year of massive change, or rather, some opportunities have been presented to me that will allow me to change my situations in 2005, and make them better. Active rather than reactive, that's the goal.

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