2005 So Far

In discussing 2004, I said that it was the Amnesiac to 2003's Kid A, not much had changed, and the stuff that was new had become commonplace, and I said that 2005 would not be another Amnesiac. But, so far it has been and it hasn't been. I think I've been much happier so far than last year, but things haven't really changed, maybe I just better learned to focus on what was good.

I guess the thing that made me happiest this year was that I actually made a movie, albeit one that still hasn't been edited, but filming's always been the holdup, and Jordan and I wrote something and filmed it. When I get home I'm going to edit it, or at least see that it gets edited somehow, hopefully in time for the LMC contest. I think more than being a great movie, this movie was important because it really taught me about the limits of what we can and cannot do, first limit, don't try to film 60 pages of script in 10 days, but also other more subtle things that have guided me in trying to create new stories. And, perhaps most importantly, I had a lot of fun filming the movie. This was the first time I ever really enjoyed the actual process of filming, and even though there were still the usual headaches, it was much more fun than I had filming stuff before.

Maybe that was partially because I was more in control. It's frustrating to be filming a project and not be able to do what you want. Sometimes in the long run it makes a better film, Tabula Rasa was great, and that was a completely group effort, but there were times when I wish I could have shot it more my way. But, on Ricky Frost, I tried to assert myself more, and was just pushed in the leadership position, so I did my best to run with it.

Anyway, that was good, but it was January. What have I done since? More of the same really, going to class, I had some really good classes this semester. Youth Culture was by far my best non-film class that I've taken here and Action Film was one of the best film ones. I guess part of what I liked about Youth Culture was that it was all new stuff. Last semester I took US History, and it was a decent class, but I'd done it before. This might not seem as important in the overall scheme of things, but it was new to me and that was exciting. And I'm actually enjoying doing my school work more than I ever have. Writing the paper on Batman Returns was a lot of fun, and it's something I'm proud of. Similarly, the paper I'm doing on how the stress on college admissions is changing high school has been fun to research and lets me revisit some issues from the past.

I feel like I'm much less stressed than other people here. Working in the computer lab, I see people pulling all nighters, all dayers, working ridiculous amounts, and not having much fun. I feel like for some people, the stress is as much a part of the work as the actual working is. It's not really work unless you go around telling twelve people how much work you have, when worrying about the work is pointless. You still have to do it either way and whining about it won't make it go away (in most cases, but even if it does make it go away, you'll have put so much effort in whining, you could have been finished with the original assignment by then).

But this isn't to say that it's all good. Things are going along, and while I am happy, I feel like there's so much more I could be doing. All my time is occupied, but could it be occupied in a better way? There are things I'm missing out on because I always go with the shelter of what is the same, what is safe, rather than risking something new that could potentially turn out bad, but at the same time could work out incredibly well.

And Wednesday I'm done with school and home for the summer. This is the chance to either do that something new, or go back into old patterns. I know what I should do, but can I muster up the courage to actually do it? Hopefully. Either way, at least I've got a job waiting for me, running the LMC camp again. It was actually a lot of fun last year, and I made a lot of money, which is really all you can ask for in a job, especially one that's actually in my industry. I feel like I've learned a lot about film I can convey to these kids, and my ego loved being placed in a position of authority.

So, the year is still up in the air. It's had a good start, but needs a little more to make it to a good finish. We'll see where things go.